Smile

Smile

Three men die with a smile on their faces.


The Vicar (V) speaks with the widows (W*) of the deceased men during the service. He walks up to the first widow.


V: “What happened to your husband?”


W1: “Well we always dreamed of winning the lottery and we finally won after 15 years of playing. He suffered a heart attack but died happy”


The vicar gives his condolences and goes to the next widow


V: “And what happened to your husband?”


W2: “He was terminally ill. But we managed to locate our estranged son of 20 years. Once they hugged and reunited he left peacefully and happy”


The vicar gives his condolences and goes to the third widow. As he looks in the coffin he noticed the man has died smiling and with his arms raised with two thumbs up.


V: “And what happened to your husband?”


W3: “He was struck by lightening.”


V: “Good Lord how awful, but that doesn’t explain why he was smiling.”


W3: “Well he thought he was having his picture taken…”


Source: Smile

Sound man

Sound man

I have a Polish friend who’s a sound technician. Oh, and a Czech one too. Czech one too. Czech one too.


Source: Sound man

Learn your Japanese

Learn your Japanese

John, a sales director for a large American company is in Japan on a 3 day business trip.


So successful is John that he manages to close the deal on the second day of negotiations and as a handshake on the deal his Japanese hosts invite him to a game of golf the next morning.


That evening John, feeling rather pleased with his efforts and determining that he had earnt a bit of a treat, decides to employ the services of a lady for the evening.


After about 5 minutes into fairly routine sex in the missionary position the girl flips over onto all fours.


John returns to “the deed” and the girl starts moaning more loudly.


Encouraged by this John thrusts harder and harder.


The girl is really making some noise now and starts going Eeiii Eeiii Eiii Eiiii MASHIGATA ANA!!!!! MASHIGATA ANA!!!!! Eeeiii!! Eeeeiii! MASHIGATA ANAAAAAA!!!! “


Wow she must be really enjoying this she keeps saying how well I’m doing” thinks John as he climaxes with a final flurry of hard thrusts; relieved, the girl gets dressed and quickly leaves.


The next day John turns up for his game of golf, John takes the first go and executes a skilful shot, clearing the trees and landing just short of the green.


He receives much praise from his fellow players.


Next up, his new business associate, the CEO of the Japansese business, comes up to the Tee.


His shot is nothing short of perfect, the ball soars high above the trees, clears the freeway, rolls across the green and into the hole.



Cheers ensue and John thinks “Ahh now’s my chance to really impress”


he walks up to the CEO, holds out his hand and says with pride in his best attempt at Japanese “Mashigata ana”.


Confusion follows and the CEO looks at him sternly


“What do you mean Wrong Hole!


Source: Learn your Japanese